The Great Lunch Dilemma

Lunch is a big deal in corporate America. Now that I'm not working, I can honestly say that one of the things I miss the most is lunch. Of course I still eat lunch, but lunch with a 3-year-old and 5-year-old, while highly entertaining, just isn't the same as lunch with coworkers.

I've always found it hilarious that the lunch discussion begins in the morning. Usually by 9 a.m., the plans are in the works, such as who is going and where are we going and who do we not want to join us. It always seemed so illegal to sneak down the hallway, without a word to anyone, to go to lunch without anyone noticing.

I'm sure all offices have the following people:

• The always inviting themselves along coworker. (Hence the need to sneak down the hallway.)
• The coworker who always wants you to "pick something up" for him or her. These are the people who manage to go entire months without leaving the building for lunch. It's almost like they eavesdrop all morning and then decide what they want picked up based on the options they indirectly hear. Even more annoying is when they give you a high-maintenance list of what they want, similar to Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. So, not only do you have to pick up lunch for someone, you now have to be completely embarrassed in the process.
• The mooch. You know, the person who is always a $1 short or "borrowing" change. This is usually the person who orders water and then sneaks a soda from the soda machine.
• The spy. This is the person who somehow ends up coming along and nobody feels good about it. So at lunch, there is no work discussion, as the spy's intentions are unclear.
• The clockwatcher. This is the person who constantly looks at their watch as a reminder to the rest of us to hurry up.
• The lunch packer. This is the person who brings their lunch, but is then persuaded to go out to lunch. I was usually that person, as leaving the building always trumped leftovers.

Once upon a time, I went to lunch with a coworker from the bookstore where I worked in college. We were standing in line at Taco Bell and I kept going on and on about what an idiot our boss was. I started to notice that my coworker wasn't saying anything. In fact, he was looking at me with a "Shut the hell up!" expression. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I was like "What, we're in Taco Bell, not Ruth's Chris!" I finally caught on and turned around to find the boss's husband in line behind us. "Hi, Kate" he quietly said. I wanted to disappear in the packets of hot sauce. Lesson learned. When out to lunch, always check the establishment for familiar faces before you start running your mouth.

At any rate, I sure would jump at the chance to ditch the kids and Kraft Mac-n-Cheese for lunch with some grown-ups. Any takers? Oh and Mentor, if you're reading this, in memory of our favorite lunch destination: UNCLE BOB!!!