Oatmeal and Insanity

So, there I was, sitting in HR Robot's office, unsure of how to proceed. We kept arguing back and forth and we just weren't getting anywhere. She gave me the paperwork to sign and I said I needed to think about signing it. I headed back to my office, feeling defeated. I might have won the battle, but they appeared to be winning the war. And if you know me, you know that losing just isn't my style.

I was so annoyed that I couldn't just walk out the door with no strings attached and nothing left to settle. Instead, I got hit between the eyes with a curve ball and I knew I had a fight in front of me. So, the first thing I did was call the Husband:

Husband: "Are you done?!"

Me: "You're not going to believe this. The company is claiming that I resigned and that's what they're going to report to unemployment."

Husband: "WHAT?! Go back to HR Robot right now and tell her no way, that doesn't work for you."

Me: "Yeah, I already tried that. It's a done deal. Should I sign this separation agreement?"

Husband: "Yes, sign it and get the hell out of there. We'll figure out the details later."

Not getting unemployment didn't mean that we would end up homeless. But it was definitely something I was counting on and it played a part in my decision to walk. I couldn't help but think I was maybe not given all of the necessary information related to making an informed decision. And yes, I believe that was intentional. I had a picture in my mind of the evil players, sitting around a table, brainstorming ways to stick it to me for leaving. And whoa, did they come up with something good.

However, I wasn't going to let Prison Media ruin this moment and they weren't going to mess up my victory lap. I quickly went through the building, saying final goodbyes. I checked my office one last time and made sure that I had taken everything that belonged to me. My laptop was wiped clean; all personal files and emails deleted. There was no trace of my existence left in the building. And yet, I couldn't shake those four words "Well, since you resigned..."

I just kept coming back to the insanity of the entire saga. What kind of company lays off an employee, outsources her job out of the country, lies to her face, offers her job to numerous other people, puts her through hell and then plays the resignation card and screws her out of the unemployment that she is owed? I had seen and heard a lot of unbelievable things in the last 3 weeks, but this? This was simply the worst of the worst. The phrase "Well, since you resigned..." had been permanently burned into my frontal lobes. I would never forget those words. Ever.

I finally picked up a pen and signed on the dotted line. I made myself a copy, and went back to HR Robot's office. I handed her my paperwork, my building key and key card and asked her to come to my office and do an inventory check on my equipment so I could pound the pavement and never look back. She walked down the hall with me and looked over my laptop and monitor. She then glanced around my office and spied a packet of oatmeal on a table in the corner.

HR Robot, holding up the packet of Quaker: "Oh wait, is this your oatmeal?"

Me, grabbing the oatmeal and tossing it into the trash: "Yep."

HR Robot: "OK, you're good to go." And off she went.

And I stood there for a second and thought, "Wow, after 10 years at this company, the last significant words spoken to me were 'Is this your oatmeal?'"

And off I went.