Guess Who's Back?

I'm baaaack! In more ways than one, actually. Not only am I blogging again, but I'm also back on the clock. Interestingly enough, I didn't realize how much I missed being on the clock until I clocked back in.

For the obvious reasons, I'm not going to divulge too much about the new job. Let's just say that I started this new job about 4 weeks ago and I right away recognized what this whole experience has meant to me. And I think that's all I've been after this whole time: Taking something positive from the outsourced experience. Here's what I've learned:

• I really enjoy working. But, work will never again be the number 1 thing in my life.
• Distance. As in keep some between me and my coworkers.
• I know I can lose this job and be OK. I didn't know that before. I thought my whole existence would die with the job.
• Healing. I can finally begin to let go and go on. And mean it.
• Perspective. I can clearly see the big picture. I can look around and know that I am so much better off than I was 2 years ago.
• I'm good at what I do. I lost sight of that for awhile, but now that I'm back in my element, I know that I bring something valuable to the table.
• Karma? Yes, I still believe in it.
• Work should be fun. When you stop enjoying what you do, it's time to find something else to do.
• It doesn't always pay to be a superhero rock star at work. Let me clarify: I will always work hard, as that work ethic is embedded in my soul, it's who I am and I can't change who I am, nor do I want to. But, I will never forget that doing the impossible only made it possible for me to be taken advantage of. And that's on me, as I firmly believe you can't be taken advantage of unless you allow it to happen. Which I did.

I'm getting back to regular blogging, so stay tuned. I feel incredibly lucky and thankful at the moment, let's hope this feeling stays with me for awhile. And finally, I have recently found unexplainable inspiration in this quote from the final episode of Oprah:

"You need to find what sparks the light in you, so you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

Read it again. Sleep on it. Think about it. And get to work finding that light, as that's what I'm doing over here.

Peace. Out.

Spring Break Hack Job

It's spring break over here, which means a whole lot of sleeping in, play dates, trips to Blockbuster, Build-A-Bear and Chuck E Cheese, and the realization that summer will be here soon. I've also just realized that a stuffed dog that plays the Star Wars theme song is maybe one of the best inventions of the last decade. And yes, The Boy could care less that his "pet" plays the Star Wars theme song, so that addition was strictly for me!

So far, the highlight of the week has been the hacking of my email account. Remember my previous post about spammers? Well guess what? I became a spammer and sent hundreds of Viagra messages to everyone on my contact list. Joy. After some investigation, it turns out that LinkedIn was compromised, resulting in thousands of email accounts being hacked. Apparently, even networking isn't a safe activity!

I finally have a few promising job leads, so let's hope that something (anything!) pans out soon. In the meantime, I'll be working on my book, jumping on the trampoline and discussing the meaning of life with the other spring break moms. Of course, these are three separate activities; I'm not nearly talented enough to pull off all three at once.

Oh, and a big Happy Birthday to Kate off the Clock. I've now been blogging for one full year. Quite an accomplishment for a serial non-finisher like myself. As always, thanks for reading. Bring on spring!

Captain Intelligent

When I worked every day, it seemed like there was always something crazy going on, always something to laugh at. But now, when I try to recall those things, I get a whole lot of nothing. Suddenly, what once seemed hilarious, now seems irrelevant. I guess overall, it's the people I remember first, and then the incidents involving those people.

I can clearly see my former boss standing in my doorway, asking "What are you guys talking about? What's so funny?" with a look of panic on her face, certain we were talking about her. And if we were talking about her, like we were going to respond with "Oh, we're talking about you!"

Or, the editor who always smelled like garlic and was a close talker, a lethal combination, getting right in my face to go over edits. Plus, she never wore a bra, so she was too close for comfort in more ways than one.

There was the crazy admin who one day suddenly claimed to be allergic to scents. If you walked by her office wearing perfume or smelling of clean laundry, look out! She verbally assaulted anyone who smelled like anything other than nothing because it was a violation of her right to breathe clean air. Did I mention that she always smelled like cats? Anyway, she ended up quitting. Hopefully she didn't end up working in a grocery store. Or a daycare center.

But, perhaps my favorite coworker story at The Prison involves one of the highest ranking "captains." We were at an off-site team building meeting at the local events center. This is the same events center where the minor league hockey team plays. During a break from our team building "exercises," I was standing in the upper seating area, looking down at the ice arena. The hockey team name "Warriors" was painted on the floor and the crew was getting the rink ready for a game later that night. Well, this genius comes up to me and says "Wow, what kind of paint sticks to ice? I didn't know you could paint the ice!" I just looked at her, kind of worried that someone this intelligent was running the company. I finally said "The paint is on the floor, under the ice." And she was like "Ah-ha, that's how they do that!" Her pure sense of amazement was frightening, like she had just discovered how to split an atom or break the sound barrier.

And that my friends is a prime example of the promotion of stupidity in corporate America.

Go West

Exactly 12 years ago today, I packed up my VW Jetta, drove out of Indy, and headed west. After months of contemplating a move, I finally did it. I mapped out my trip beforehand and decided to stop in Manhattan, Kansas for the night. My mom was nice enough to make me a reservation at the Holiday Inn Express. I was traveling alone and I didn't own a cell phone. Did everyone but me have a cell phone in 1999? Probably. Anyway, I walked into the hotel lobby and went up to the desk to check in. When I told the 2 employees my name, they both said:

"Oh! You're Kate!"

Wow, quite the welcome!

And then one of the employees continued: "Your mom has been calling here every 30 minutes for the last couple of hours. You should probably call her right away and let her know that you arrived safely."

Um, thanks. (Now that I'm a mom, I totally understand.)

I settled into my hotel room. I ordered a pizza from Pizza Hut (thin crust with pepperoni and bacon) and wondered how this life-changing journey was going to play out. Quite the exciting St. Patrick's Day, eh? But, it's a day I will remember forever. The next morning, I hit the road for my final destination. I arrived without incident and the rest is history. My history.

Well, 12 years later, I'm happy to say that everything has worked out fabulously. I was fortunate enough to crash on my brother's couch until I found a job and a place to live. I landed my job at The Prison about a week later and officially started on April 1, 1999. April Fool's Day! I guess I was destined for something ridiculous from day one.

Who would have thought that my best St. Patrick's Day story wouldn't involve green beer? Or any beer, for that matter!

Side note: I remember so clearly driving west along I-70, looking out the window at the Hoosier Dome (RCA Dome, whatever) and the Indy skyline and hearing a certain song playing on the radio. And while this is a dorky song, and I feel like I'm expressing my inner 14-year-old, I will admit that I still love it and I will always associate it with that moment.

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Don't Call Me That.

On Friday, I went to the bank to make some changes to one of our accounts. As the teller was updating our information, she asked me the dreaded "Do you still work for Prison Media?" question. And the conversation unfolded like this:

Me: "No."

Her: "Where do you work now?"

Me: "I don't."

Her: "You don't work?"

Me: "Not unless you count being a stay at home mom as a job."

Her: "I would love to be a stay at home mom."

Me: "I would love to be working..."

When she handed me some paperwork to take home for the husband to sign, she had filled in my occupation with my least favorite word: Unemployed. UGH. I despise that word and I try to never use it.

Which got me to thinking. What am I, exactly? Am I unemployed? Am I self-employed? Am I a stay at home mom? I'm not such a fan of labels, but I feel like I need one. And a flattering, positive one. I like Rock Star. And Blogger Who Doesn't Earn Any Money is OK too. Heck, even Chef to the Children or Cleaning Expert would be better than Unemployed.

Why is it so important to me to not be labeled as unemployed? I think it's a couple of things. First of all, I didn't choose to be unemployed. Second of all, this is the longest I've gone without a steady job since I officially entered the workforce at 16. That's a heck of a streak and I hated to see it end.

On the plus side, spring break is coming up soon and working people don't get spring break. Except for teachers. Which brings me to a question I keep asking myself: Would I make a good teacher? Well? Would I?

Let Go. Go On.

I have issues holding grudges, which I believe I've already covered in a previous post. Part of the whole job loss experience is learning how to let go, which I've been working hard to do. In my old office, I had a saying hanging on my bulletin board:

Let Go. Go On.

If I recall correctly, my mom sent me that saying after an epic break-up in 1998. Turns out, it applies to many things. And I keep saying it to myself as I navigate through the mess that was once my career. And as much as I want to proclaim "I'm over it!" I'm not quite there yet. Almost, but not quite. And the biggest thing keeping me from letting go and going on is the fact that so many people knew I was losing my job before I did. Now, the average person might think "oh, big deal," but to me it is a gigantic deal. It's been a friendship ender and a trust destroyer. And it's ruined my definition of loyalty.

However, the big picture is that in order to truly have peace and closure, I have to move on and let it go. On a side note, remember how Rachel on Friends made the word closure popular? I distinctly remember watching the episode in the Autumn Woods cracker box apartment in Indy in late 1995. It's the episode where Rachel gets drunk on a date and decides to call Ross to tell him she's over him and it goes like this: "I am over you. And that my friend, is what they call closure." Then the whole world started using the word closure... Oh, and ever notice how Friends doesn't quite stand the test of time like, say, Seinfeld?

So, as I was writing about how annoying and obnoxious it is that other people knew about my layoff before I did, I suddenly remembered a worse situation involving job loss:

When I was in 5th grade, my dad lost his job. We lived in Alabama at the time and my brother and I attended a Catholic school, which I wrote a post about a few months ago. So, it turns out that the nuns at the school knew my dad was losing his job before he knew. What?! How is that possible? Well, the HR manager at my dad's company, a super jerk with a bitchy wife to match, had a big mouth. He told his wife what was coming for my dad and the super bitch opened her big, fat trap and told anyone who would listen at the school. Mind you, this was a woman who once let her daughter eat a stick of butter for Thanksgiving dinner. Plus, she had a hideous Buffalo accent and a God-awful personality to match. Fran Miserable was her name, but not her real name, obviously. I can still picture her feathered, frosted hair and her absurd fur coat. What kind of moron wears a fur coat in Alabama? Hello, they don't even have winter in that state!

If I let go and go on, where the heck am I going? Wish I knew. I know where I'm not going: Crazy. Somehow, I've managed to stay sane through all of this insanity. If I let go and go on, can I still make India and Prison Media jokes? Can I go on without letting go? We shall see. Most importantly, will letting go make me sing "Free your mind and the rest will follow!" And for those of you who can't quite place that, here you go and you're welcome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tIYpvlQP_s

Scam City

I love the internet ads that scream "Earn $5,000 a month using your computer!" or "Click here to find out how Nancy earned $2,000 in one day!" Do people actually fall for this garbage? I'm thinking yes, they do. So, I conducted a simple expertiment. I set up a junk email account and applied for one of these so-called "opporunities." And oh my Lord, the spam poured in like a tsumani in Sri Lanka.

A few of the prime "job" examples:

• Take surveys, get rewarded!
• How I made over 1 million dollars working at home last year
• Earn $25 per email you process
• We're transferring money to your account!
• Commission payment, attention, you MUST call your bank!
• Guide to $400,000 your first year, with no start-up costs!
• Just 30 clicks using single software, thousands of dollars per day!

From what I can see based on the subject lines of the emails, these supposed work-at-home jobs consist of this: Spamming people with every type of spam imaginable and then earning a few cents each time some moron clicks through the link. I say moron because only someone lacking functioning brain cells would actually click a link that advertises "Jackass Sweepstakes" and "Pay off your house in 5 years!" Clearly, by signing up for this "opportunity" I ended up on the idiot list, as I don't get these kinds of spam messages in my other email accounts.

The spam poured in at such an alarming rate, that I racked up 287 messages in my spam filter in the first 48 hours. Um, that's a lot of cyber junk mail. Imagine what that volume would look like in my real mailbox. That's the kind of volume the post office needs to stay in business!

So, when I say I'm looking for work-at-home or telecommuting jobs, what I really mean is "I'm looking for legitimate work with a legitimate company that doesn't involve spamming inboxes of stupid people with promises of meeting big, beautiful women online, free trips on luxury private jets or inflated credit scores." Oh, and don't even get me started on the number of times I've won the South African lottery. And, if you're wondering, "do people actually fall for that?" I'm here to tell you that yes, they do. I saw it on Dateline. Chris Hansen got tired of catching child predators, so he started looking for the brains (yes, brains!) behind the fake lottery scams. And we all know that you don't mess with Chris Hansen!

On the serious job front, the job search has come to a screaching halt. I haven't had a credible lead since late 2010. I haven't worked on a project since the week of Christmas. While I'm not going to panic, I am going to think of more creative ways to market myself. I'm working on a web site and a few other things, so hopefully something will turn up soon. In the meantime, I think I'll buy a lottery ticket. And I'm entertaining the idea of becoming a day trader. But I won't, under any circumstances, resort to spamming people for a living. So, I can promise you that the next email that guarantees instant wealth or an outrageous limit on your credit card didn't come from me.

Here's my favorite subject line of the last week: "Affordable forklifts to fit any workload!" Because you just never know when you might need a forklift, especially an affordable one...

Hot Sauce

So, my last post got me thinking about former coworkers and how I'm sure several of them would run in the opposite direction if they ever ran into me again. I'm absolutely sure that a certain someone from the book publishing days is glad I have left the state of Indiana forever, and I can't really blame her. Because of this:

Back at the book publisher in the late 90s. This super annoying woman, who we will call Penny, sat across from me. For some reason, she just bugged me. I can't really put my finger on it, but she was just someone that I wished would go away. One day, after a trip to Taco Bell, I had a genius idea. To this day I still don't really know what the heck came over me, I'll call it my inner 10-year-old. But, I put a packet of hot sauce on the floor in the hallway between our cubes and I jumped on it like I was launching a Nerf rocket. Well, it went flying directly at Penny's head and before she could move, duck, do anything really, it hit her right between the eyes. It was a perfect, beautiful shot. A direct hit. I swear that hot sauce traveled at a speed of 50 mph and I just stood there, watching in disbelief.

Now imagine this: Penny didn't find this incident to be humorous. She glared at me with hot sauce dripping off her nose, ears and chin, her hair plastered to her forehead. Who knew one little packet held so much sauce? I thought she was going to charge me, like an enraged rhinoceros. But she didn't. Instead, she cried. Oh no, not the tears! I hate crying at work. There's no crying at work! Simple rule: When your job makes you cry, you need a new one.

Not only was she crying, but she was carrying on about how I ruined her shirt and I would have to replace it. And, the shirt was from Banana Republic. Gasp! Oh no, not Banana Republic! There goes my paycheck.

Penny was also one of those desperately single people. You know the type, she would do anything to have a boyfriend, a husband, a man in her life. This was before the internet dating era, so her options were somewhat limited. So, she set her sights on Ed, aka Troff Boy (remember him, we met him here: http://kate-offtheclock.blogspot.com/2010/05/and-you-thought-your-coworkers-were.html) and made a play for him. A hardcore, suffocating, stalker play for him. And yes, he was immediately turned off.

It happened like this: A bunch of us went out one night and we met up at my apartment. Hot Sauce, as I was now affectionately referring to Penny, was bombed out of her mind. At one point, she ran out of the bathroom, with her pants around her ankles, because she heard Troff Boy's voice in the living room. Well, Troff Boy, wisely, decided to get the heck out of there for the obvious reasons. Hot Sauce followed him outside, attached to his leg, like a dog in heat. There was yelling and crying (again with the crying!) and eventually the police showed up. By then, drunk Hot Sauce was drunk driving herself home. Things were never quite the same again at work after that episode.

Now, I can't for the life of me imagine that Hot Sauce would stop and have a 5-minute conversation with me if we ever ran into each other again. And who can blame her? This incident occurred in 1998 and I can still picture that hot sauce, traveling in slow motion, and the look on her face as she watched the sauce approach. And I honestly just want to look her up today to say: I'm sorry for being such an immature idiot. Hmmm, perhaps it's time to do some Facebook searching. If I still lived in Indy, I'd offer to buy her lunch. At Taco Bell.

The Ties That Bind?

Question: If you run into an ex-coworker, isn't it realistic to think that you'll be able to have a 5-minute conversation about when you worked together and what you've been doing since you were last employees of the same company? Or, is that expectation just absurd?

I'm asking because I ran into a former coworker recently and it was awkward. And weird. And most definitely an epic fail. I'm still thinking about it because when I worked with this person, I liked her. We were friends. And we worked together so long ago that two presidents have been elected since we were coworkers, so clearly we should have had some catching up to do.

I've always thought that working together binds people together like graduating from the same high school. Or, at least it should. But, seeing how I am a big picture type of person, I see the big picture for what it actually is: Working together doesn't mean anything more than being on the same payroll.

Which means I need to rephrase this: We were friends. With this: We were friends AT WORK.

Most coworkers are not people you would seek out friendships with; you become friends because of circumstance. Sure, there are the rare coworkers that become your best friends, but for the most part, when the job ends, so do the relationships with coworkers. This is one I have struggled with for the last year as I've tried to move on from the Prison era and rebuild my life with people I like and trust. There are a few people on the fence and I have yet to decide where they will land. But, I think the defining factor is simple: If you had my back during the India Project; you're in. If you didn't, you're out and you're never coming back in.

Which brings me back to the opening of this post. If you work with someone for years and get along just fine, why can't you have a quick conversation when you run into each other years later? Oh that's right, it's because some people just plain suck. There, I feel better.

Corporate Brat

I'm writing a book. If you really know me, then that isn't exactly a newsflash. However, I've finally figured out exactly what I want my book to be. Now, it is true that part of the book is a 13-year work in progress. The original book, Off the Clock, was all about corporate America. Hence the blog. The new book, Corporate Brat, sort of bookends Off the Clock and will be much more interesting. Of course, I'm biased.

The title is a play on words. It's partly a play on how I grew up and how that term relates to military kids who grow up moving all over the place. Then it's about me: A grown-up corporate brat. Did I handle the Prison Media situation like a brat? Perhaps. I took my knowledge and went home. And instead of sticking my tongue out at them, I told the whole world what superficial, back-stabbing, horrific jerks they are. Is that bratty? Depends, I suppose. But, it sure was fun. Most importantly, if I could back and do it differently would I? Absolutely not. But, will the India Project be the defining moment in my career? Quite possibly. And I'm OK with that.

So, I ask you, my readers: Would you read Corporate Brat? Should I change the title? And who should play me in the movie? I already have Steve Buscemi pegged to play Boss. And John Cusack is so playing The Husband. And yes, this is how I spend my evenings when all is quiet on the western front. Sweet dreams.

Friday Night Lights Out

So, my favorite show of the last decade (and maybe all-time) is Friday Night Lights. The series finale is on Wednesday and I think I'll need a box of Kleenex for that episode.

Last week's episode featured an intense plot line with Tami and Eric Taylor (i.e., the football coach and his wife). The wife has just been offered the job of a lifetime and the husband is less than thrilled. Or, more appropriately, he's being an unsupportive, selfish moron. I was so enraged watching the show and I kept calling Eric a jerk and pointing out how he can't get past his own issues and be happy for his wife. The Husband offered this insulting bit to the conversation: "Hello, it's a TV show. It's not like you know them; they're made up characters on a TV show." Um, HELLO! Of course I know them! I've been watching them for 5 seasons and they feel like family to me. Not only are they the most realistic marriage on TV, but they're real people with real issues. (Yes, I am in denial.) And I am not the only one thinks this is a phenomenal show. If you've never watched it, rent the DVDs and give it a go. You'll be hooked 15 minutes into the pilot.

The Taylors scenario got me to thinking: If I was offered the job of a lifetime, would The Husband give up his job and follow me? His answer: "If it means I could have a Porsche, yes. Definitely." Which creates the larger question: "Just what is my dream job?"

I mean really, I've only had an entire year to ponder this, so one would think I could answer that question in a flash. But sadly, I can't. The answer is long and complex. For example, does my dream job need to pay the bills (see 1), or does it just need to fulfill my desire to work (see 2)? Does the dream job require me to go to an office every day (see 3), or is this the dream job that allows me to work from home (see 4)? And yes, those are two separate answers. And lastly, does the dream job even exist (see 5)?

1. If I do need to pay the bills, gym teacher is on the top of the list.

2. If I don't need to pay the bills, coaching soccer is on the top of the list.

3. The dream job at an office would be EW production manager.

4. The dream job at home would be a blogger who gets paid. And I don't mean gets paid $.015 for every click through from AdSense. I'm talking set amount per post.

5. I'm starting to think that the dream job is as elusive as Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster.

I have a lot to think about on the job front, not to mention the dream job front. In the meantime, I have 5 days left to prepare for the big FNL send-off. My guess is that the Coach follows his wife on her dream job adventure and all is well that ends well. And yes, maybe it is only a TV show, but it definitely falls into the art imitating life category. Ya gotta love when real, scripted TV is way more "real" that reality TV.

There are 6 words that I will always carry around with me from FNL:

Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.

Check out this awesome article in the LA Times:

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/tv/la-ca-friday-night-lights-fnl-20110206,0,5776335.story?page=1

Loss

Every so often, I have an off post. Like, I find it difficult to be funny and really write from the heart. I've been having a very hard time writing for the last week due to the shocking death of an old, dear friend. The specifics are too sad and heart-wrenching to discuss, and this isn't really the best place to discuss them anyway.

Loss really makes one question their own path. I keep thinking about the here and now. Life is short and a gift and it's up to us to make every minute count. Loss also makes us reflect and second guess ourselves. "Did I tell my friend how much I loved and appreciated her?" "If I had been better about keeping in touch, would this have happened?" "Should I have known that she needed help and why wasn't I there to help her?"

I guess this will be my sappy, sad post. It's my reminder to seize the day and live life to the fullest. It's a reality check that we only get one go at this thing called life. And it's my mission to be sure to tell the people that I love how much they matter to me and how thankful I am to have them in my life. Take a minute or two today to tell your friends and family how much you need them and love them. Stop and thank the people that make a difference in your life and let them know how truly appreciated they are. The only good that come from a tragedy like this is the reaching out and reconnecting that happens in our quest for answers, comfort and understanding.

To quote the AT&T ad campaign from the 80s: "Reach out, reach out and touch someone. Call up, call up and just say hi!" Touch base with an old friend this week; you'll be glad you did.

From the Vault

I just found this old entry in my corporate America journal and it really made me think. Part of me really wishes I could find this type of optimism in my career again. The other part of me doubts I ever will...

When I was 22, I officially entered corporate America. It was the fall of 1995 and I was a recent college graduate. I was also broke, sleeping on a friend’s couch and living on grilled cheese and cereal. My luck changed when I was hired as a page layout technician at a large book publisher in the Midwest. Unlike most of my college pals, my job actually coincided with what I studied in college: Journalism Graphics.

I remember the interview and I distinctly remember thinking “I will do whatever it takes to get this job.” It seemed like such a cool place to work: A whole slew of twenty-somethings running around in jeans and T-shirts, shouting out publishing lingo, the latest and greatest Macs and software on their desks, who wouldn’t want to work there? I was memorized by the environment and fast-paced nature of book publishing. It was like a newsroom with cubicles.

Kathie, who interviewed me and later became my boss, seemed incredibly cool. She couldn't have been much older than me, which was a plus. Yes indeed, I wanted that job and I didn't even care what they offered me, I was taking the job no matter what.

The offer came two days later and I accepted it with a twinkle in my eye and the dream of money in my pocket. As soon as I accepted the job, I did two things. First, I convinced my very good college buddy Lance to live with me and as soon as she caved, we promptly rented an apartment. Second, I went to Best Buy and bought the Alanis Morrisette album “Jagged Little Pill.” It’s funny now, looking back, how much the songs on that album would come to define me: “You Live, You Learn,” “Ironic,” and “Head Over Feet” were almost the stories of my life.

So, I was now a player in the game of Corporate America and I was making a whopping $22,500 a year. I thought I was rich, considering I was used to earning about $5/hour. From now on, I decided, I was going to buy bottled beer and spring for the good stuff. The words “Bush Light Draft” were now only spoken along with fond memories of Ball State. So, I had all of the major decisions made: Cheap apartment with college pal, Bud Light bottles in the ‘fridge and Alanis on the stereo. I was officially ready to start my job.

I walked through the big, glass door that first day as a recent college graduate grateful to have a job in my field. I entered that building smiling and optimistic and ready to begin a new phase of life. I remember thinking, "My first job... A real job with an established corporation. A salary. A cubicle. And most importantly, a vast array of co-workers." If only my optimism could have lasted.

Observations 16 years later:

• Kathie: Second worst boss ever, behind Boss, of course.
• Alanis: Yes, I still own it and yes I still love those 3 songs.
• Bud Light: It's still my favorite, even living out here in the land of microbrews.
• Lance: Still my best college buddy, although we weren't very good roommates.

The Facebook

I don't get out to the movies much, mainly due to the Husband's disdain for going to the movies and my disdain for the price of going to the movies. So, I'm usually a few months behind on the latest and greatest releases.

On Saturday, the Husband and I finally watched The Social Network. I loved it so much I watched it again last night. As far as filmmaking goes, it's an A+. The pacing; the cinematography; the acting; all top-notch. But, the message is what I keep thinking about. Actually, I think there are two messages to ponder.

The first message is the obvious: Mark Zuckerberg is a world class A-hole. Or, at least the filmmakers want us to think so. He stole the idea for Facebook and then kicked his partner out of the company over jealousy issues. I think those are facts, although they are highly disputed facts. Zuckerberg still maintains that he didn't steal the idea for Facebook: "If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you would have invented Facebook."

I could care less who invented Facebook, I'm just glad someone did. What did we do before Facebook? How did we look up our long-lost best friend from 3rd grade before Facebook? How did we keep tabs on everyone's whereabouts prior to Facebook? What in the world did we talk about before the status update? How did we know that the nerd from 7th grade ended up being a major hottie before Facebook? The list goes on. And on.

The second message I took away is that there are still great, life-chagning ideas out there. Now granted, it's highly unlikely that another billion dollar idea like Facebook is on its way. But, it's very likely that the next great technology or web site is on the horizon. And the big question is: What will it be? I don't think you have to be a socially inept genius programmer to have a fabulous idea. Granted, it's much easier to implement your idea when you know how to program like a tazmanian devil on crack. Having a wealthy, handsome friend to bankroll your idea is also a major plus. As is the smart ass sidekick with a taste for Appletinis!

Oh look, I'm arriving at the point. I've finally realized that I need to create my own job. This job hunting thing really isn't going so well, so I'm taking it in a new direction. I have many ideas to sort through and think about and I'm hoping I'll land on the one that works best for me. And since I don't need to earn a millions dollars, my odds for success look promising. And I think I'll use Facebook to help me.

Ideas, thoughts, opinions and offers of employment are always welcome additions to Kate Off the Clock. If we don't know each other, please look up Kate Off the Clock on Facebook.

Here's to a 2011 full of original ideas, paychecks, new Facebook friends and Adidas sandals as a fashion statement.

The Great Goals of 2011

I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions. They usually fade from memory by my birthday, January 12. And I am not alone in the fading. The gym is ridiculously busy the first couple weeks of January until the fading kicks in. Same with the healthy section at the grocery store. And don't even get me started on the vitamin aisle.

This year, I'm making a list of goals. Some are lofty, some are simple and some will take some serious effort to achieve. Putting them down here, for everyone to see, is a fantastic motivator. And believe me, I need some motivation at the moment.

First and foremost is the job. I need one. I'm still holding out hope that I can find enough freelance/contract work to keep me busy this year. I'm also holding out hope that I can continue to work in my field.

Goal Number 1: Find a job. Send out at least 10 resumes every week. Get better with the follow-up. Be more persistent. Start making money. Oh, and networking, networking, networking.

Goal Number 2: Post more often to the blog. I'd like to shoot for two posts per week, even if they're short. Also, drive more traffic to the blog. So, if you like the blog, please share. And if I fail to post regularly, please call me out on it.

Goal Number 3: Run. I did my first 5k in 2010, so this year I'm going bigger. I don't need to run like Forrest, but I do have my eye on the Denver Half Marathon in October. Plus, I need to put those expensive running shoes to work. They keep looking at me in the closet, all sad and lonely, inducing feelings of guilt and laziness. Maybe I should put them back in their box. Plus, the holidays were full of food. And by full, I mean full of chocolate, homemade Chex mix, gum drops, cookies, Hershey's kisses by the dozens, and carmel corn. I mean, is it my fault that I had to eat the entire plate of Santa cookies on Christmas Eve to keep the Santa magic going? Guess I'll blame the kids for that one.

Goal Number 4: Watch less TV. So long, Jersey Shore, Celebrity Rehab and Teen Mom. I think I lost IQ points watching you anyway.

Goal Number 5: Read more. I have a very long list of books I'd like to read this year. To the horror of my Mike's Pomegranate-loving neighbor, I've never read the Harry Potter books. So, those are on the list. I just started The Help, so this goal is looking promising.

I'll call those the Core 5. There are other minor goals on the list, but those are the urgent, pressing ones. If I fail on Goal Number 2, odds are that I've also failed on Goal Number 4 and 5. Simply put, if I'm not writing or reading, I'm most definitely spending too much time with the TV remote, addicted celebrities, idiot teen moms, and Snooki. And if that's the case, someone needs to read me the riot act. Who wants that job?

Happy 2011. I have high hopes for this year on the career front. And the reading, writing, running and severing ties with my TV front. Let the fun begin!

Oh, and if this is possible, it won't be long before I'm taking my spaceship to Neptune to sign books for all of my alien fans: