So, this weekend has been jammed packed full of parties, sporting events, out of town company and freelance work and by 3 p.m. today, I was pretty spent. I was trying to catch a few winks on the couch and asked The Husband to wake me in 15 minutes so I could go to the grocery store. That's when he made this blog-worthy statement: "If you have a list, I'll go to the store."
Now, it must first be stated that I am a grocery shopping fanatic. I organize my list in the same way the store is organized, so there isn't any backtracking, which makes for a very efficient shopping trip. I'm a coupon lunatic and all of the cashiers at the store know me and my coupons. I also look at every item on my receipt and go back for a refund if I find discrepancies. And truth be told, the first morning the kids were both at school at the same time, I went...grocery shopping! Alone! I guess I know how starved for adult conversation I am when talking to the King Soopers employees is the highlight of my day. Seriously.
One can imagine my dilemma. On the one hand, I was exhausted and I was dreading going to the store. On the other hand, I could just picture The Husband, wandering around, lost, confused, and just out of his element. I mean really, the husbands are so easy to pick out at the store!
I finally agreed, but only after he announced "I'll take The Girl with me, she knows where everything is!"
I reworked the list and added *VERY* specific notes to each item, like "check the date" next to pitas and "in the produce section" next to lemon juice. I even agreed to forgo the coupons on this trip. And off they went.
As soon as they were out the door, I noticed The Husband's cell phone on the counter and knew that was going to be a problem. Sure enough, after laying down for all of 10 minutes, the phone rings and the very ominous "King Soopers" shows up on the caller ID. Hmmm...
Me: "What's wrong?"
Him: "I'm at the courtesy counter and I have questions!"
Me: "OK, what's up?"
Him: "What does 2 cans of Campbell's nacho cheese soup mean?"
Me: "Really, you're asking me that? It means BUY 2 cans of Campbell's nacho cheese soup."
Him: "They don't sell that."
Me: "Yes, they do. Soup aisle, right side, top of the shelf."
Him: "Well, I couldn't find it. But I'll look again. Now, what kind of pull-ups should I buy? I have two different packages up here. One has a boy on it and one has a girl on it and how much does The Boy weigh?"
Me: "Huggies Over-Night Pull-Ups. Size 3T-4T, with a boy on the package, since they're for our SON to wear at NIGHT." (This was all on the note, of course.)
Him: "They don't have those."
Me: "Yes, they do. Go back and look." (I'm starting to wonder why the grocery store has suddenly stopped carrying the items I've been buying weekly for years!)
Him: "OK, bye!"
About 15 minutes later, my two shoppers arrive back at home. I start unpacking the bags and notice the following:
- The pull-ups aren't the over night ones.
- The pitas have an expiration date of tomorrow.
- There is a stuffed giraffe in one of the bags. (! I KNOW that wasn't on the list!)
- The Girl is now hiding a stuffed lion in her arms. (Again, !)
- Donuts! (I'm OK with that one.)
Then, before I can say anything about what I've discovered, The Girl announces "Daddy dropped a jar of salsa at the check out and it broke!"
And then The Husband says "Well, they gave me another one for free!"
Suddenly I'm picturing "Mr. Mom" and I can hear that annoying grocery store woman yelling "Irv, clean-up at the check-out!"
I started inquiring about the above items and The Husband says "If you're going to scrutinize every single thing, I'm never going to the store again."
I don't really think that questioning the need for stuffed zoo animals qualifies as scrutinizing, but whatever.
In the end, The Husband left to get me a Starbucks so all is well in the universe again. But, I'm pretty sure that he'll never be allowed to grocery shop again. Unless I'm out of town. Or sick.
I have to make a couple of returns tomorrow, so I'll be sure to tell Cheryl at the service desk all about our shopping adventure. And I know she'll laugh!
6 comments:
LOVE IT and that you know the gal at the service counter's name! I know many of them too. David has to use coupons, IF I have them ready to go... and he does pretty well (he'd NEVER bring home stuffed zoo animals, but he'd ALWAYS bring home doughnuts)! ;) We'll send him shopping with Ashley and The Husband, The Girl and The Boy sometime...and we'll go get Starbucks at 119 & then go to the library! They'll have a blast!
I can relate to this post...I am also a grocery shopping fanatic. I'm fanatical about getting a good price and finding stuff on sale. Usually, 80% of what I buy is on sale.
Several years ago the Husband went grocery shopping and when he came back I looked over the receipt. Hmm... not good.
"Why didn't you buy anything on sale?" I asked.
"I did," he answered.
"Nothing on this receipt shows a discount," I countered.
"Well, everything I bought had a yellow sign on it!" he retorted.
Damn you King Soopers!!! I'm quite sure they started putting yellow signs on everything to make husbands everywhere think everything in the store was on sale. I actually boycotted King Soopers for about a year when they started doing this. I'm sure it really hurt them. ha.
And by the way, my Husband doesn't come home with stuffed animals, he comes home with tubs of ice cream. Way worse because I don't think stuffed animals have nearly as many calories.
I only let this happen once. 10 years ago I sent my husband to the store for 2 lemons because I needed to zest them. He returned, triumphantly, with a bottle of lemon juice and a winning smile that said, "look how great I did!"
By far one of my favorite posts! Soooo true. They try, but it's just not in their genes.
Alright have to comment as I am A Husband, and sadly I can relate. If The Wife goes shopping by herself she gets whatever is needed for the recipe she is reading for today and maybe yogurt & coffee creamer (both of which I never use) and it amazingly costs the same as if I went shopping for 2 weeks of groceries.
Side note tho, might have to try the salsa trick next time I decide to buy salsa instead of make it.
I send my hubby to the store sometimes. I try not to, because when I do, he always comes home with enough cheese (the imported, exotic type) to feed an army for a year. I'm leaving town today for a week and a half, and I tried hard to stock the frig so he wouldn't have to go to the store. This man has heart disease. Bad, bad, bad.
I have to say, though, that he really is good about getting precisely what I put on the list. He's an engineer; he's good at following written directions. But if I were to *tell* him what I needed, forget about it. :-)
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